I tell you I love you,
And you respond "Okay".
I said "I love you",
Not "How are you feeling today?".
Never heard that you were proud of me.
That's because you never said it!
Instead, you stare at me like I'm an evil creature.
List the mistakes I made on the palm of your hand,
And smack me with it every time you get the chance.
Choke me with your words...
How many of them were encouraging?
None!
And when things don't go your way, you walk out of my life & tell me you're done.
You act like I'm the one who did those wrong things to you...
Like I'm the one who slapped you.
But I was the one crying & hugging & holding your face,
Protecting you...
So what wrong did I do?
I have been on your side...
Since the beginning, when I really should have been on mine.
I sit & wonder, but I can't figure out,
Why you didn't love me enough.
Was it the brightness of my skin?
The depth of his genes that made me look like a spitting image of him?
Was it the curly touch in my bush?
Just tell me.
Anything to do with the way I look?
Was it the roundness in the tip of my nose?
Because I didn't share your woes?
Punishing me for months, so I could breathe the stale ass air you've been breathing on too,
Misery loves company, trying to make me bitter just like you.
Did my happiness bother your soul?
Is it killing you that you don't have control?
Just because you let him control your life for years...
I dealt with it for a long time, because I love you.
The same reason you dealt with it from him...I know it's true!
Hoping & Praying that you would come around...
Well, I'm done with that...
I prayed & it's in God's hands now!
I can't believe I really believed you even for a second that everything was my fault & that I'm filled with such bad.
When in reality, you are the main and only reason why you're sad.
Lifted up your evil words & thoughts & finally dropped them on my head.
Telling me you will make sure everything is snatched away from me...
Is seeing me successful really a dread?
I finally forgave you about not talking to me when I was a kid,
But I guess you can't seem to ever forgive on the little things I did!
Slice me with your looks.
I saw Hate in your eyes once,
And she was not pretty.
She slit me at the throat & called me near her.
So I prayed & let her know silently that I didn't fear her.
Break my bones with your thoughts.
But somehow, I'm still standing.
You didn't love me enough...
And now I'm laying on the wet floor,
Letting the cloth on my body soak up the wetness from my tears.
You see me, but you just let me lay there.
Proud you are on the inside.
Happiness flutters your insides.
But eventually, I will get up...
Without your assistance.
And without showing you any form of belligerence.
One day, the fragrance of my success will fill your nostrils...
Will you then love me enough??
Is it then that you will realize that I am indeed a diamond in the rough?
That you should have picked my damp body out of my own tears?
You have a heavy heart & I could have helped you hold it...
But you still have failed to realize that your daughter is not the one who broke it!

2/17/11