To You, From Me

To my darling, Anxiety—

Hello, I haven’t missed you.

Not that you ever left, but if you did

I would not miss you.

I would not miss the way you make my hands shake when I am feeling vulnerable, 

Or the 50 pound lead weight

That you have gifted me, 

and keep inside my gut

For when bad things happen. 

My personal time keeper,

who also reminds me 

that time isn’t real, 

and we’re living on the borrowed kind. 

What would I do without you when

I am almost asleep, and I remember a word,

A phrase, a look, a touch, 

who would help me

Over-analyze, and undermine

reassurances given by a pale face, 

with a concerned look, like “who is standing behind you? And whispering in your ear?”

I would introduce you, but with a presence like yours, everyone knows you are there, even if they can’t see you 

all the time. 

Here is your sweet reminder, 

that I do not love you. 

Here is my gentle invitation,

To quit haunting me. 

This letter is stamped

“Do not reply.”, though, 

I know, with an utmost certainty, 

You will be finished writing your letter

Before I can even mail mine. 

Sincerely, Ashleigh.