You need this more than me

Mommy is this what you wanted from me?

I heard that you were going to leave 

For a man who’s from the city of the sea. 

You say my brothers and sisters can come too,

Two tasks are all we’ve got to do 

If we want to live a fairy’s life,

Just abandon our true sight,

Make up stories about how daddy squeezed too tight.

Then we get to play all night 

And live in the land of make believe 

Where a false fatherhood will feel just right. 

Mommy I haven’t seen you since you lied, 

You told a fib somebody didn’t like.

You should see how much I grew 

When men speak now I merely coo.

They love to pass me around,

They love that when they pinch I make no sound.

Mommy you were right,

Those piano lessons paid off nicely

Everyone loves a woman who’s hands are lively,

Who are moldable and easy to manipulate.

They love it when I play dumb

They love it when I participate.

Just a beautiful blank slate 

Open to be treated anyway.

Mommy I’m having trouble finding my 

womanly figure. 

The bodies I admire all stand with confident brood,

They’re woman who’ve defeated womanhood.

So I’ll flaunt the streets in tailored suits 

And I’ll stand tall like I know they would,

But the people don’t seem too amused. 

They all can name a handful of clothes I could stand to lose.

“At least show us those pearls you tuck so tight behind that high chin.”

They find satisfaction even from a forced grin.

Mommy I’m scared they might win,

They’ll claim hold over whatever I have left to give. 

Mommy there’s no trace left of me.

I dissected all the woman I wanted to be,

I took their best parts to create me.

Now I don’t feel anything.

Now I don’t want anything.

I should’ve killed you myself, 

You left me with no one to build me up 

Or to tell me when to sit straight up,

And cover my mouth when I’m filled with glee

So no one has to see how happy I can be,

So no one expects it eternally.

The few lessons you left me are fading, 

Soon I won’t remember what you meant 

When you said act like a lady.  

Mommy is this what you wanted for me?

I can’t feel my feet I’ve been dancing for so long.

Mommy is this all I could be?

I hear them chanting “One more song.”

Mommy what’s left of me?

This spinning is making me queasy.

What’s left for me?

What’s next for me?

Mommy is this what you wanted to be?