You never cared

You never cared when I cried, you never cared when you put your hands on me because you got drunk and thought it was okay, well it wasn’t okay. I was raised to know a man should ever put his hands on a female. In today’s world things changed, I guess I told myself I deserved it, I made mistakes and I hurt him, I took his dignity away and he stopped trusting me and always accusing me of anything. I guess verbally abusing me. I allowed it because I’m my mind I made him crazy and lying didn’t help, but I was scared, scared of losing him scared of getting hurt. Scared of myself. I let everyone walk all over me because I wasn’t strong enough, I still am not strong enough. I cry myself to sleep every night. I feel like dying almost every other day. I feel like my world has come crashing down on me and there’s nothing I can do to fix it. I lost myself, I became numb to the fact I was alone again. Heartbreaks are excruciating, It feels as though your heart is being ripped from your chest. You lose apart of you, your other half. You feel empty inside and lost, unsure of what to do and how to move on without someone you once loved, someone you thought would be forever, but being who I am, I can’t be handled. I now know why they all say they cannot handle me. I’m too hard to handle because I can’t be controlled. At times I tried to let go and be controlled and it worked for me, but he still had no trust in me. We lost it all, all the hope we had left. Gone. It dawns on me, if you really loved me you would have never given up. You say you love me so much but willing to let everything go as if we never mattered or existed, crazy how fast things can change. You never cared about how I felt, you never asked me why, you never tried to communicate, and when we did you would fight with me and accuse me of playing you, I haven’t been with another man since you, I made mistakes but I loved you the entire time and I won’t ever stop. Maybe one day you will see that I did try, that I did love you more then you believed. You never cared to help me, you said i was taking everything from you, all I wanted was your love. But all you had was hate. You never cared enough to try and fix this. I was never enough, and I never will be. I will forever be alone. It’s about time I accept that. 

I will always and forever love you.