You Only Wrote Once
Regret.
It's a strong word.
Yet
It describes me perfectly
Right Now
Sitting on the couch,
Holding my phone,
Both feet up,
Back straight from the surprise
Of my word choice.
It swells.
Instantly.
Breath held.
*Caught
What
Had I just done?
I swore.
I jumped into an abyss.
I hated.
I lost my best friend.
I loved.
I don’t think.
*Didn’t
#Ashamed
#Alone
Brimming with Regret.
Brimming with Release.
Brimming with Thoughts of our favorite foods.
Our favorite things.
Our favorite places.
Brimming with tears?
I need him.
Why does he need her more than he needs me?
Why can’t I be enough?
He hides from me whenever he is close.
He never acknowledges me.
He cuddles with her.
She exclaims that this is new.
She asks where this is coming from.
She asks why he doesn’t do this more often.
And then
He texted me.
One line.
“Hey, love! It’s 11 11! Make a wish!”
My heart surged with—
With—
With—
Nothing?
I was empty.
A year and a half.
Of self-abuse.
*Hate
*Self-hatred
Gone.
Freedom.
It’s a strong word.
Yet
It describes me perfectly.
So,
Right Now,
Sitting on the couch,
Holding my phone,
Both feet up,
Back straight from the surprise,
I made a wish.
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