youll never truly understand

It’s not being sad at school it’s being okay for half the day and numb the rest. It smiling and laugh at lunch with friends it’s pretending you are okay. It telling teachers you okay and nonstop talking to make sure you don’t break down. It is smiling and saying hey to everyone it is being numb to the point where all you feel is a hole there. When your breathing but nothing feels right its breaking down in panics as you watch your friends play volleyball. It’s you not wanting to die but not wanting to live. Its not wanting to get out of bed bc everything’s is so heavy. So you lay there wondering is this what im supposed to feel like as you lay there. And you see people and they seem happy but no no one understands whats happening or what it feels like your in a loop of sadness and you sit there and you question your worth. Its making sure your seem okay when deep down you are not okay one bit. Its getting out of bed and its faking your smiles until come normally but deep down you will never recover from the damage. Its like waves and it comes right in a middle of a sentence. No one truly understands what its like.