A Young Ballerina Exposed

The years of training paid off and at the age of fourteen I received an invitation to study on a pre-professional track at Gelsey Kirkland Academy of Classical Ballet. The idea of moving to New York City, living with a host family, and training every day seemed surreal, but then it became reality. I didn’t fully understand my decision until my parents embraced me one last time saying, “We’ll see you at Christmas.” Then it hit me. What have I done, I thought. I had left everything I’d ever known. My prestigious invitation transitioned from a dream to day-to-day life for the next five months.

After the first month I realized that my host family, a so called “nice family,” wasn’t nice at all. They had anger issues and tended to explode in my direction constantly. I didn’t know how to cope with this toxic environment. I had been raised with protection and kindness, never this hostile situation. My enthusiasm began to wane as each day seemed more demanding than the day before; challenging me physically and emotionally. I found myself trying to manage, whether it was by writing out my feelings from the deepest parts of my soul in my journal or taking an hour-long bath crying, where my host family couldn't hear. I literally washed my grief down the drain. I called my mom outside the claustrophobic apartment, carrying on for hours, telling her how much I missed her and how I wanted to come home. But she always reminded me of how blessed I was to have this opportunity.

The studio was my safe haven. It was a place, though demanding on my body, it gave me so much joy to express my dark feelings and thoughts by creating beautiful movements and lines. Dancing filled my soul, each movement removing the negativity, cleansing and renewing me, making me feel refreshed. My angel during this time was Angelica Goode. Her name couldn’t have represented her character any better. It was as if God had placed her there just for me. We quickly bonded and she became that one person I could go to for anything. When she came to spend a couple of nights with me during the Thanksgiving break, any time with her reminded me to be thankful. I don’t think I could have made it through that difficult time if it wasn’t for her wings lifting me up daily.

This once-in a-lifetime opportunity and audacious personal journey at such a young age, taught me many hard life lessons that most people do not encounter until later. Though I felt my childhood ended abruptly, living in NYC with an angry host family and dancing 50 hours a week grew me up quickly. I realized that I would never be the same excited bubbly girl I was when I arrived at LaGuardia Airport. I had become wiser, learning how to keep my cards closer to my vest in certain environments, and when to express myself more freely. However, I wouldn’t want that experience to be any different than how it turned out. What I encountered introduced me to the “real world,” and how to face it with authenticity and courage.