Your Affection

She seems to think she loves me, I don’t know.

I think she wants to fix me ‘cause I’ve been feeling so low.

I am not a puzzle; I can’t be put together.

I told her that before, but I don’t think she remembers.

She says that it’s just her, but I know that’s just not true.

I’m a mess; that’s no joke without a punchline, me without you.

These symphonies are sad songs only,

Even in pieces, I know that she owns me.

I’m just so terrified of returning to a nightmare.

I blame everyone else, but I know; it's no fair.

I built my own coffin and now I sit inside it.

I don’t even know. My heart and mind are so divided.

I just hope that it’s better, now that I’m experienced.

I’m just talking nonsense; I hope you’re not hearing this.

I hope you’re not reading this, because it isn’t meant for you,

I’m running out of time and I just don’t know what to do.

I guess maybe this was written for you, as a warning.

Because I’m not me, at least not the me you knew before me.

That guy was so sweet; I wonder where he got to.

I still feel like him, but I know I’m so see-through.

I’ve never felt invisible, but I feel more like a ghost.

It never was a competition, but I know I loved you the most.

And I love you the most, but this is a game, you’re not playing.

I know there’s also a ton of things that you’re not saying.

Late night consequences fuel early morning regrets,

Unchecked ambition just leaves us so damn upset.

Nights pass so quietly, and I’m just so frustrated.

I’m flooded with emotions, I'm so inundated.

I haven’t once heard your side, but I guess I’d like to.

I kind of wish you felt like this, but I guess I kind of like you.

These back and forths have become only backs,

You said something so heartbreaking, but I agree with that.

Chalk line drawings, hope the detail’s on my heart,

And then erased, a metaphorical fresh start.

I’m still not sure if I really ever deserved this.

But just know I think all the pain was still worth it.

You’re still such a sweet girl, passion burns so bright.

The feelings were correct, but the moment just wasn’t right.

There’s such a big difference between right and right now.

It’s just what happens when we’re alone with the lights out.

With the lights turned out and the thunderstorms turned on,

It’s pretty obvious, thinking back, where we went wrong.

You didn’t deserve all of the stress that I gave you.

I hope that when you smile and wave, I’ll smile and wave too.

But don’t be surprised, the pain’s in my eyes, it’s hard to meet your gaze.

Because I know what was and what could’ve been, life is such a maze.

And I guess I didn’t escape correctly, I took my own re-route.

But one way or another, your affection helped get me out.