your a man

Just thinking everything was almost perfect ,a home,a family,a dog or two,and the drug addiction long gone.you coughed one day and it turned into weeks.you grew thin and I blamed it on the switch to methadone from heroin.you stopped eating and I saw your eyes pleading for an explanation to this insanity.so together we walked into unknown waters.we received your diagnosis right away,this the day you and I became the walking dead.There was no beginning or middle there was only the end of a process we had no idea had even began.your cd4 was 7 and this was not all the diagnosis kept piling up untill we couldn't keep track of it all.weeks were spent in hospitals on ivs and machine's untill finally your life was a scedual of pills creams and misery.I stood by your bedside day and night my body and brain,but my heart was a trader and at times pushed me to fits of screaming accusations and I'd belittle you.I couldn't control it I just exploded,hating the words comming out of my mouth I love you.I look in your eyes but they were gone to another place and your heart gone with them untill I'd finally lost you.I thought I was helping you,us by getting things straight.filling out papers and applying to all the necessary things.feeding you pills on a scedual day after day.still I'd lash out words of hate and filth that were destroying you,my word destroying us.I couldn't believe the day you just walked away you went home you left me,you were gone.for months I blamed and constantly reminded you of all the things I'd done for you.It never occurred to me I did nothing I wasn't supposed to do.I was stupid and vain,I was selfish and blind.I'd become the enemy to you stepping on you untill you were so low you took your heart and crawled away.I understand now baby,I was wrong.I know its to late..I just needed to say your a man above all and I love you.