You're not supposed to love me

You're not supposed to love me. 

I’m supposed to relive the past that has taught me to be wary of love that cares about me. 

I’m supposed to relive a type of love that's covered with lies and wants me to die. 

I’m supposed to sit with an empty gaze of regret mixed in with hopelessness I carry into my long hot showers that were my only sense of warmth that is similar to love. 

You're supposed to call me selfish when I can’t help you and whiney and I need your help or just to listen to.

You're supposed to be one of many of my crushes who hated me for things I can’t control and look at me with repulsion when you see me not with care and affection because I don’t deserve that attention.

Im suppose to hide my face that carries a look of pity feeling traumatized looking for a way out towards loneliness or with another abuser.

I don’t trust this type of love you gave to me am too hurt to bet this is hope because hurt people hurt people or hurt follow them back so you should have run and never came back.

The scars I had are rebuilding themselves to want to start all over so please don’t test the fragile skin near my left chest.