You're the Reason I Write

I opened my mouth hoping that the words I wanted to say would escape 

I wanted to say that you hurt me

I wanted to say that the gashes on my heart are still there 

That the still continue to bleed from time to time that the sound of your name still stops me in my tracks like a heart attack 

I wanted to say that I saw the post you made a couple months ago

I saw that she was pregnant

And you were happy 

And I wanted so bad to call you up

To let you know that I missed you 

And that hopefully you'd change your mind

And I contemplated it for a while  

I called, you answered, and you talked about her

So,in my heart I just knew it wouldn't be right

You invited me to the shower

Now here I am

A fake smile and a bag full of onesies 

One says “daddy's little angel”

So when you ask my why I write 

I'll tell you I write because I'm hurt 

I write because you once looked at me the way you look at her

I write because you used to talk about me the way you do her

I write because it ended so fast

I write because she's 7 months and we've only been apart for 5

I write because when I try to express myself aloud the words just don't come out right 

That's why I write