You're wrong.

"No, you're wrong, she can't be that bad."

No, they were right. She can be. 

People can be horrible, and sometimes you learn about this the hard way. But where was my person? Who was going to tell me that she was so bad? Well, no one. No one told me. I had no idea until I found out far into my high school years. My mother was awful, and I didn't know. She told me she loved me, she told me she cared, but she didn't. She didn't care. 

People show emotion through the way that they speak, through the way that they present themselves, but most of all through their actions. We've heard the phrase "Actions speak louder than words." Which is accurate. Actions speak so loud, too loud in fact. I hate it when people decide that they're going to be pieces of absolute garbage. 

My mother tells me she loves me. But I know that's not true. Her actions tell me that she doesn't, her actions tell me that she didn't want me. 

"But no!" I can hear you thinking. "No, that's not possible, your family loves you!"

No. You're wrong. I can tell you that you're wrong, and I can tell you that I know why you're wrong. Why you're very very wrong My mother has this wonderful thing called manipulation. She will make you feel that she loves you, she will make you feel that she is a good mom, and to some, she is. But to me? To me I'd rather die.

Family isn't forever, and just because you preach that "Blood is thicker than water" you are ignoring the rest of the phrase. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. 

The bonds I have made with others by choice, is stronger than the bonds that I was forced to make because of my family. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. The family I have created is stronger than the family I ended up with. 

So no, you're wrong.

You're wrong when you tell me she loves me.

You're wrong when you tell me I need her

You're wrong, when you say I'll never get anywhere without her.

You're wrong. Not me this time. 

I'm done pushing my feelings away for yours, I'm done dealing with the trauma you gave me, I'm done with allowing you to control my life.

You won't help me, you didn't help me when my grandma had a stroke right in front of five year old me, you didn't help me when seven year old me was getting bullied, you didn't help me when twelve year old me tried to commit suicide, you didn't help me when sixteen year old me was so depressed I couldn't do school work.

You didn't help then, and you won't help now.

So no, Mom. You're wrong.