Zig Zags

Gentle curving lines and harsh crushing zig zags
make up the meaning of my mind.
I'm insane, I'm going mad,
oh who could have warned me of this rabbit hole of my head.
And I can't distinguish the real words from the imaginary.
Are you a figment of my self induced hallucinations?
No, it must be another daydream in this harsh reality.
Self induced pain,
friend induced suffering.
Don't they understand how twisted I've become,
like a failing boy scouts attempts at knot tying.
Or headphones that remain in a pocket too long.
I'm twisting and strangling myself slowly
on a noose of self loathing.
And they look at me,
and can't tell that these unseeing eyes are welling with tears,
too blind to understand that I'm losing my footing
and toppling into the rabbit hole.
My inner tree is losing leaves,
and it seems that every apple I drop 
is tossed back at me and bruised.
But oh these nightmares,
they're clouding my vision,
condemning my mind.
And I can pick up a shiny blade and cut the tree down,
but I know I won't.
That's the only voice that's clear,
the blue bird in the tip top branch telling me to survive.
So I'll be content with a Swiss army knife carving into bark,
and friends who are no longer there
and a love who seems imaginary
and a heart that is battered
and a brain that is crumbling 
to bits.


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741