“Contemplating”

To the left is drugs, alcohol, sex, violence, rape and HIM.

The one person I thought I needed to survive.

His hot fiery hands intruded my spirit and corrupted my mind.

He lives underneath me, and walks seeking the weak, vulnerable, impressionable and I-

Being young and naïve fell for his sweet nothings and promise filled with “almost” and” maybes”

To the right is the light and the truth.

Something I couldn’t exactly understand.

He loved, preserved me, protected me, and told me I was His own

If I choose to walk in HIS light I would be strong and be free from the clutches of my own sin.

I would be free from, drugs, alcohol, sex, violence, rape and my BLACK companion.

Whose soul was dark and spirit empty.

In the middle, standing, contemplating, trying to figure out what to do,

One step, one word, could change my whole life

For either better or worse.

I would only feel josy or regrets.

One was the darkness.

One was the light.

One was the truth.

One was the ultimate lie.

One kept me enslaved.

One made me free.

One I want.

One I need.

What is left to do?

I need to choose the path to walk.

Do I want to have fun, drink ,smoke and have sex?

I want to be holy, free and loved.

What if I choose the wrong path and end up a failure just like my father..

The time is now and it stopped just for me.

The time is right and that’s why I must walk to a life of peace, love, and serenity.

A life of forgiveness and not shame

A life of love and not guilt.

When He died on the cross and said, “It is finished.”

My Savior meant it. 

My Savior made all of my hurt diminish.

Through the blood, that slowly was stripped away from Him.

He died for me

He allowed all of HIS mercy to rain on Me.

So why I am so confused?

Why am I still Comtemplating?

The World made me unfilling promises

His Love is forever True.

In my spirit I know what I need to do .