“Shadow Thoughts Pt. 1 and 2”

“Shadow Thoughts Pt. 1 and 2”

(I want to know who I am,

But I can’t find my way out.

I wish I could fly,

But I don’t know how.

During this tempest of the darkest hour,

The only lights too far away,

Thoughts break like mirrors in my mind,

Jagged pieces on the ground,

Cut my feet when I try to walk,

Scratch my throat when I try to talk.

I am not sand. I am not sand.

Why am I slipping through my hand?

A twisted forest of shadows and night,

A spider web of heart and mind.

Hidden in a knot,

Multiplied in strangeness.

This maze is a mess of wire and changes.

I don’t know who I am,

And there is so much to see,

Oh, but nothing ever happens to me.

Remember who I used to be,

But, really, that could be anybody.

There’s too much pain to try and walk,

I’m just too tired to try and talk.

To try and find a new way out,

To try and find an unbroken mirror,

To see my face, without my fear.

But all I have are these shadow thoughts and scars.

And none of them see, those high above stars.

I’ll never know who I am.)

These shadow thoughts, they lurk,

In each crevice of my soul.

Defining, combining, hypnotizing,

Who I am, and who I used to be.

I’m a mystery, a girl that is untold.

I don’t know what I am,

But I know what I’m not,

And I say it so often that really I ought

To believe it, but here I just sit,

Behind rusted prison bars,

From which were wrought,

With silk, ivory, and gold.

For I am the girl untold.

They lurk, and creep,

And whisper in my ear

That I will never know myself,

Never get past this fear.

They are the monsters under my bed,

They are the demons in my head.

But who I am, I have to know,

I have to try, I have to grow,

I have to try to seek that girl,

Even if she is untold.

I do not know who I am,

And the voice in my mind,

(it is my own, it is my own)

Will scream that I’m alone,

Will cry that I will fail,

That I will lose myself,

Wandering down these trails.

But I must try, I must try,

For I am stone and flame,

A song unsung.  

And I will not slip away.

I will know who I am.