Alyssa

Dear Mom,

who will never read this.

When I came out to dad

he warned me about you

and your inability to keep

a secret from your family.

I could see Aunt Joan relieved;

her perfect, golden-haired child

no longer the black sheep

for marrying her black

husband. Dan is wonderful

and any girlfriends I would bring

would be wonderful. But at least

he’s a man for her daughter.

I could see you keeping it from Gram,

who hates me for my own father. You,

begging your siblings not to say anything.

I am your only child. Your pride and the only

thing you have for people to assess you about.

How awful of a mother you must be for your girl

to turn out queer.

I love you. But you will never know this side of me.

When a child cries and you yell—

when a teenager cries and you blow her off—

you build a wall without either person knowing.

I love you, but

you are over there

and my heart is on the other side.

- A. F.