Clareprunellpoetry

I could have been just like you, But I was shaped by violent hands. No laugher in my childhood home, Just fear and harsh demands. Nowhere on this earth was safe, Abuse from my youngest years. Even the childminder was cruel to me, Leaving no sanctuary for my tears. To protect me, my brain had to adapt, And morph into its own force. It created rules for survival, Setting a brutal, necessary course. It taught me how to mimic, To camouflage and hide. Reflecting back what people wanted, To keep me safe inside. It taught me to think in split seconds, Black or white, no middle ground. Because the grey area is dangerous, Where deadly mistakes can be found. It dialled every feeling to tenfold, Shifting fast, unpredictable and raw. Keeping me wired on high alert, Always ready and waiting for war. It showed me that rage is armour, A weapon to keep me strong. Anger is active, anger is sharp, It keeps my guard up all day long. It showed me intensity burns me out, When the weight becomes too great. So it flips the switch to total numb, To detach, drop out, and vacate. It taught me how dangerous people are, Unsafe from the very start. So I grip them tight until I panic, Then destroy them and rip us apart. It showed me how pain anchors me, A harsh way to take back control. Turning all of my terror inward, To shock reality back into my soul. All these things my clever brain built, Keeping me alive and breathing through. I wouldn’t even be standing here now, If it hadn’t known exactly what to do.