Chrystina

My heart pounding so hard, Nearly bursting out of my chest; Butterflies flutter wildly in my stomach. Will today be the day I see you again? I get dolled up – just in case. Now I’m late. I hope to see you, Yet clouds of doubt linger nearby. What would I even say? Mixed waves of excitement and hurt; You blew me off – Again. I care so much about you, But you won’t even give me a chance. I’m not over you. Never fully was. You’ve got me under this spell, I can’t break. But perhaps, soon enough, I’ll be disillusioned Once and for all. You whispered sweetness into my ears, Coerced me into letting my guard down, Then disappeared – Again. All talk, no action. All bark , no bite. Yet here I am, Still not over you. Still hurt from your most recent infraction. Still hoping to hear from you, To see you. Is that sad? Pathetic? Ridiculous? Whatever it is, it’s the truth. Will I get to see you again? And if so, what then. Another cycle Another time you make me feel warm and safe With your charms and your lies, Only to vanish. I am worth more than that. You don’t deserve my love. Seduce me with your wonderfulness Hook me And hold my heart captive. How do I free myself? How do I let go? This hope I always hold near, Does more harm than good it seems. It makes me feel so foolish, So Angry! You make me feel crazy. Am I really crazy? Or am I just crazy About You? Despite your games; Or is it because of your games? You keep me entangled, Keep me guessing, Yearning, Holding my breath In suspense. Is that what it is. Or is it truly my deep Desire To get back what I Abandoned So long ago? Fear fueled my actions then, Desire rules them now. I connected with you in a way I’ve never connected With anyone Before. I think you felt it too. Though our time together was short lived And many moons ago, It was unforgettable. I can’t explain my feelings for you, Sometimes I don’t even understand them. I’ve tried to let them go, But they’re strong and Run deep. You opened up to me once before, I got scared, Pushed you away. It was a mistake. I apologized, explained. I laid my heart on the line. You played my Vulnerability To your advantage Strung me along, Got what you wanted, Left me dazed & confused. I guess I thought I deserved it, Maybe that’s why I was So willing to overlook those Pained moments. While there is no denying, The sparks between us Were electrifying; Chemistry like I’d Never known before… My fond memories are starting to Fade away. I’m beginning to see that Perhaps I’ve been holding on to Nothing This entire time. There is no going back To the way things were. It is in the past, & that is where it belongs. You hold a special place In my heart, This will always be true. But I’ve got to let these feelings go, Let You go. I shall close chapter now, And carry forth the Lessons that I have learned. It is time for me to move on with my life.