Laudate
The first time I heard someone applaud for me
I was
15 years old
5ft 11inches
Auburn Hair
Brown Eyes
Which is all I can remember about it
except the feeling.
The feeling was
new.
Somehow before then claps had fallen on deaf ears
even though I was an applause junkie,
sitting smiling dancing through every variation of the townsperson #3
just so I could smile and take in my share
soak it in
ration it like clean water
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-
I had been sitting in the cramped audience
palms sweating crumpled paper snow that I didn't even realize I was making
And I took the stage
Working off a breathless prayer
and the red hot wire of adrenaline
feeling the heartbeat in the crowd like I had never felt
Applause
was like what I imagine cocaine to be
hard and harsh and loud
out of this world
and it made me crazy
I shook
and the smile like
the cracks in the mojave desert ground
opening
for snowmelt
whoo.
breathe.
on giraffe legs
I wasn't aware of falling.