From The Inside
I am the man with two first names
I would call myself a player
But I don’t like to play games
I just hop from day to day
Like a hobo, train to train
When I talk I speak of the abstract
To some, a bunch of noise
My mind is filled with questions
Not all of them easily answered
Why is the sky blue?
What kind of car do I want?
How can I get my mind off of you?
Am I a sociopath?
Questions, questions, and more questions
Why can’t I have a fucking break?
My mind is constantly swirling
A whirlpool of information, doubt, insecurities
My time spent sifting through thoughts
And attempting to define who I want to be
I guess that makes me self-absorbed
But hey, I give no fucks
Nah, I take that back
I’ll give four
One…for my image
Two…for my family
Three…for my friends
Four…for my girl
My existence is comprised
Of the resemblance that lays
Between the likelihood of my success
And the morals I take time to invest
In as if it were a test
To prove that to be a human being
Is NOT as hard as society has us seeing
People think morality is fleeing
From the monster that is basically a being
In itself it’s comprised of two parts greed
And one part status quo
It is a machine that is fueled with status quo
It is a menace to the moral fiber
That had us thinking about things that were higher
On the scale of intelligence and intellect
Until you have two cents, you get no respect
I judge hard and quick
I am picky with whom I select
To share my thoughts with
And spend most of my time with
That’s a pipe dream though
My past few relationships
Dealt a serious blow
To my self-esteem
At times I asked if there was anything wrong
With the man I saw in the mirror trying to stand strong
Fighting back the tears
Of all the years
I spent holding my tongue
Biding my time
Trapping my emotions
Not expressing even the subtlest of notions
That I was sad, mad, good, or bad
This is me
I can’t claim that I’m
The man I want to be
But to me
I see
I see the truth as it is
As a whole, much like this
Poem that I typed up on a whim
Bare and raw
It’s time I let someone else
See things from my side
Then, and only then would you be able to comprehend
If you have to, read this again
But if you get me, then feel me from the inside