Different
Different
A word that terrifies young minds, the idea that something could change in an instant
Or a person who doesn’t quite fit the pack, who isn’t like anybody else
Picture this a young white kid in town of hispanics,
never hurt anybody
Never hated anybody
He just wants to be accepted, just wants to be loved, but these kids
These kids they call him Nazi,
They call him Hitler,
And they call him racist
Not because he ever hated anyone, or because of how he treated people, but because he’s white, because he’s different
So they bully this kid, and this kid, he hates school, he hates himself, and he hates life.
Not because of school, because he loves the opportunity to learn, to be be social
But these kids, they don't accept him, they put him on the outside, and because he is so loving of these crucifiers, he is labeled “gay”
This kid, he doesn’t know why they hate him so, but he takes it, he comes to school day after day, and he takes it.
He isn’t upset at being called any of these things, he’s upset at being called something he’s not.
So he goes through his life, hating himself, and trying to be nice, and one night he says to himself, I’ll kill myself, then I won’t have to go through this anymore. So he gets to school the next day, and he talks to these kids hurting him, and he asks them “If I killed myself, would you change your behavior?” To which they reply “NO” and they laugh at him
So this outsider, he decides to not kill himself, because if he is gonna die, he’ll do it for a damn reason, to be a martyr, to make a difference.
Years later, this kid has now become accepted, but he is never truly accepted, he is always different, and eternally an outsider to the culture.
So he goes through life, taking it one day at a time, and he joins activities and clubs to have a community, a sense of belonging.
He gets home, and his parents tell him they’re getting divorced, that it just isn’t working and they need to take that break and maybe they might get together again one day.
So this kid he gets torn apart, by his family, his parents bickering and one telling him one story, the other parent another, but this kid, he can’t handle it, so he separates himself.
He comes home melancholy and doesn’t do his homework, he doesn’t participate, he’s depressed and he can’t find a way out, at the age of 15, he gets himself a girlfriend, and he turns to physical pleasures, and distractions, he loves the sensation, but on the inside, he feels nothing, no emotion, only pain and loneliness.
SO this kid, he ends the relationship, and he, he can’t handle life, he can’t take it anymore, he rages on the inside,and he hurts, he cries himself to sleep at night, but then this kid, he finds God, he finds a new purpose
So he goes to church, he goes to youth group, he gets involved in his church, he reconnects with people, and does his best to make friends. And this kid, he’s finally happy
But he can’t stay that way, is he stops for too long to think, to breathe, and to reflect, he encounters memories, he can’t handle it, he is depressed, he’s angry, he is repressed, he is going mad on the inside with all the pain, everything he can’t handle.
So he goes to church, he goes to school, he plays games, but it’s all distraction, if he stops too long, then he breaks down, either into tears, or into agony and rage, he breaks down.
So this kid, he keeps himself distracted, and one day, he tells himself that he is himself, he reminds himself that God loves him, that his family loves him, and that he should love himself.
So when these kids, when they call him racist, when they call him Nazi, he laughs, stands at attention and exclaims “Sieg Heil!”, he employs language and attitudes socially unacceptable, indoctrinating “nigger” and other such words into his vocabulary.
He goes day to day, he smiles, and he laughs, he makes other people smile and laugh, because it makes him feel a little better, but any time someone tells him that he is acting gay, or it’s a little scary how racist he is acting, he laughs and makes it all a joke, but on the inside, he is dying, and he can’t handle what he’s going through, he can’t stop. He breaks into panic attacks and tears when left alone with his thoughts for too long.
Because, he feels that he is different, that he is not accepted. And even though he has pushed away the haters and the folks who are no good, he can’t accept himself.
He has been whipped and beaten into submission, by this society, and by this culture.
He hates them with every fibre of his being, and he reminds himself that the culture and majority of the people are good and kind, but he has been branded so the initial thought is one of pain and hate.
Despite this, he has taken himself to a point of kindness and love, where no matter what anyone new might say to him, or what he might say to himself, he reminds himself to love, as Jesus loved him.