Perfect Perspective
My home is a prison of
thoughts and
words and things
that I wish I could do.
At home I have to
count my calories
and exercise
and please my
father by never
disagreeing or opposing
with what comes out of his mouth.
In public I
am the Perfect Daughter
of a Perfect Family
which has no worries
about their weight
and size and
how much they eat.
Everyone is loved
and valued for
their opinions
and thoughts
and actions
and expressions.
At home I
am constantly criticized and
rejected.
My father makes me feel
like I am scum
a piece of gum on the bottom of his shoe
if I even so much as
dress differently
or deflect the rude commentary he
throws at me in the morning.
In public everyone
talks about how
nice and
pretty and
Perfect
our family is
as if
my weight wasn't mentioned
everytime I leave my room.
Never good enough.
Everything has to be challenged.
I wear a loose fitting shirt or
baggy sweater and I
am belittled because it is
'too big' and it 'doesn't fit'.
I wear a shirt that sticks to my skin
like glue
and I am ostracized and
shunned
because "fat girls" cannot wear
tight clothes.
The public has a different perspective
of my Perfect Family
and Perfect lifestyle.
They are not the ones
that recieve the cold-shoulder
daily
hourly
every minute
by their father.
They are never deemed
not good enough
by their own flesh and blood.
So I retreat
back into
the shadows of
my room.
I don't come out for dinner
or holidays
or parties
or to see friends
or family.
I have put up a wall of steel.
I built it when I learned how to
construct barriers.
It has stood,
shiny and strong
for years
yet it still fails to shield me.