star

I have finally made it. I made it this far. I was told I wouldn't make it, I wouldn't be strong enough. and even when I was succeeding and proving everyone wrong you weren't there. my own blood, wasn't there. You never came to help me achieve more, to tell me you were proud. And now that i'm here at the top you expect me to bring you in and love you like you were here. Call you that word that always brought tears . "daddy" ; it would echo in my head, haunt me, make me wonder what daddy really is. but No, I never got it. see I am pretty sure daddy is not a man who stands there watching,as I dissapear into the arms of another guy, helpless and weak, drugged up and shooken. You took me and pushed me. You beat me and threatened me ; You taught me to say, those dark spots on my arms, on my stomach on my face, all over my body were from the " soccer ball" the ball that came lunging at me over and over and over again, as I helplessly scream in pain ; twelve years old and left alone for over 24 hours while momma was away. Wondering where that man who is my so called father was. 13 years old and I cry as I watch this man beat my mother for making a bad meal. 14 years old as I hear you bring another woman to your bed room other than MY MOTHER. 15 years old, you come home drunk and that was the first time I forcefully tasted your lips, as you held me there laughing at me as I was crying, screaming and pleading you to stop. 16 years old, you left me dead, you only stuck around to get booze and have a bitch in bed. 17 years and I couldn't take it anymore, I would no longer let you open hells doors. I found my light and I took the earliest flight. but now you expect me to fight for your life?! To bring you in and call you my own? Like everything you did doesn't exist anymore ? I lost my innocence before I could even get 2 seconds with God to pray and make everything alright ! ; You are all the way in the bottom, you have sunken so deep and im up here making every second count. but see, I don't hate you, I forgive you, for your sins, for everything you did. See you have made me into this beautiful strong woman I am today ! these scars these wounds those bruises you made they have all gone and now I am healed. so sir ? NO, I will not fight for your life you see because I don't associate with men like you, men who feed off of other peoples weaknesses and sadness men who like to destroy other peoples life and make it hell just to make themselves feel better. so "daddy " ha ; oh " daddy " that is a word that no longer haunts me anymore .