Lela

i never did drugs.

i never did alcohol.

i never did anything like that.

but without you

i feel

numb

empty

lonely

worthless.

i ate for you.

now

i eat because they make me.

i breathed

for you

and

i didn’t know it until

i met you.

i imagine

this is what a druggie

feels like

after stopping.

i’m numb.

our bones called to each other

and we felt it.

i’m glad for you of course

but i wish you were here.

i know it sounds horribly selfish

but darling,

you…

made my heart race.

like a phoenix

rising from the ashes

you brought me

back to life.

i let go of what i was

with you.

you erased

the bullshit and

replaced it with you.

i couldn’t be more grateful to you.

i hope to god i helped you too.

we were meant to be,

i think.

i promise i’ll find you so we can meet.

in the meantime

thank you

so much.