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A trigger word: a noun that beholds so much strength,

A word that can push your emotions to vast and enormous lengths.

My trigger word was a name.

A name who was my supporter,

Who did more than hold my head above water.

This very name took me out of anger and brought me to my salvation,

This name held affection, compassion, and appreciation.

This name was there for me when life got tough,

And calmed me down when I felt that for this world, I had enough.

This name was my high.

This name was a trigger.

I heard that name, I swear my heart grew bigger.

But in twenty sixteen the name said that they were moving,

My heart felt a sort of pain then a sort of numbing.

This distance was not half the world away, but our schedules would collide,

And for several weeks at a time this name would not be at my side.

So when the name left and with only a phone call each night,

I reminded myself what was going to be gone in hindsight.

Who could make me feel strong the way that name could?

Who would stay up late and joke like that name would?

So when I heard that name, an emptiness grew,

I would begin to panic and wondered what to do.

My heart would beat out of time as its claustrophobia got larger,

I became more anxious, my happiness moved farther.

Sleepless nights eventually became a routine,

Reminiscing what I once had and began to resent twenty sixteen.

This name was no longer my high.

This name had a different trigger.

I heard that name, I swear I lost vigor.

But life without the name got easier as time passed,

And one day to myself I finally asked,

“The name is not gone, the name is just not near,

But what we still have is still very sincere.

So, why did that name trigger emptiness inside?”

That is when I finally realized,

From when we first met, the name and I did everything together,

We studied, napped, and saw every change in weather.

For the first time in a long time I was on my own,

Adjusting was hard, it was hard to be alone.

Acknowledging those facts helped the healing go by swifter,

Knowing what was wrong and how to fix it, I felt better.

I made myself take deep breaths when times seemed rough,

I sang in the shower when some days were tough.

I distracted myself with studies and running miles,

Eventually this anxiousness became docile.

Each day I was happier and I felt stronger,

I started to feel that maybe this distance was an honor.

From this event, I gained more wisdom,

I learned to stop being a pessimist and how to look for optimism.

I became more independent, to better rely on myself,

To place that anxiety on the top shelf.

To not look at what I lost, but I still got,

And to know that in life, we all have a blind spot.

We cannot always predict what is upcoming,

But when we fall, I’ve learned to get up running.