oneheart

I don't miss the noise of someone leaving, I miss the silence before I stopped believing. I miss the version of me that could trust, Before every promise turned fragile as dust. Sometimes I don't want company at all, I only want one heart that won't let me fall. One voice that sounds honest when the night gets cold, One hand I don't have to wonder if I should hold. I want someone whose presence feels like peace, Not another beautiful thing that has an expiration lease. But wanting that scares me more than being alone, Because I know what it costs when love isn't home. I've slept beside memories I couldn't erase, I've seen disappointment wearing a familiar face. I've watched forever become yesterday, And learned how quickly forever can decay. So I built my walls from everything I lost, And counted every brick by its emotional cost. Now when someone knocks, I listen from within, Wondering if this is where the ending will begin. I want to open, but my hands still shake, Because I remember every promise people break. I want to believe, but belief feels dangerous, Like handing someone a match and calling it trust. Still, beneath the fear I carefully conceal, There is a heart that hasn't forgotten how to feel. It whispers that solitude isn't what I desire, It is simply safer than another fire. And I hate that hope still knows my name, Because hope is beautiful, but it remembers pain. There are nights I imagine someone beside me, Not touching, just staying quietly. Someone who doesn't need to fill every space, Someone who lets silence exist without turning it into a case. Someone who doesn't ask why I became this way, Who doesn't demand all my ghosts leave in a day. Someone who understands that trust has a pace, That wounded hearts don't sprint toward an embrace. I want a person who can hear what I don't say, Who won't disappear when I need another day. Someone who doesn't confuse distance with rejection, Or vulnerability with weakness and imperfection. I want to say, "I'm scared," and not lose them, To show them my darkness and still not confuse them. I want to be loved without performing okay, Without pretending the past has simply faded away. But every beautiful thought comes carrying a knife, Because I know how quickly dreams can become a life You have to rebuild with trembling hands, From broken photographs and unfinished plans. I know the loneliness of an empty room, But I know something worse: watching love become its tomb. I know what it means to sleep through the night And wake up realizing nothing feels right. So sometimes I choose the emptiness I know Over another place I might someday have to let go. At least loneliness doesn't promise forever, It doesn't hold your heart and then change the weather. It doesn't look into your eyes and say, "Stay," Then leave you with nothing but words to replay. Maybe that is why I keep my heart behind glass, Watching every almost-love quietly pass. I tell myself I'm protecting what remains, That distance is wisdom, not just fear wearing chains. I tell myself I don't need anyone near, Then secretly wish somebody would notice I'm here. I say I'm stronger when nobody knows How much tenderness still lives beneath my bones. I say I have learned not to need, But some nights my heart refuses to agree. Because being independent doesn't mean being numb, And surviving alone doesn't mean love should never come. There is a difference between needing to be saved And wanting someone beside you while you stay brave. I don't want a rescuer to carry my weight, I want a companion who doesn't arrive too late. Someone who walks beside me, not ten steps ahead, Who listens to the things I have never said. Someone who doesn't make my fear their enemy, But doesn't let my fear decide everything for me. And perhaps I don't need certainty to begin, Perhaps courage is simply letting somebody in. Not all at once, not without a guard, Just one honest word when the door feels too hard. One small confession, one trembling truth, One reason to believe that love can still be gentle too. But I have to admit what terrifies me most: It isn't being alone, but loving someone I could lose. Because if I let myself believe again, I won't be able to pretend I'm made of stone then. If I let their laughter become part of my days, If I let their name settle into familiar ways, If I let their arms become somewhere I rest, Then losing them could become my oldest test. And I have already lived through enough goodbyes To know that broken things don't always advertise. Sometimes they smile, sometimes they swear they'll stay, Sometimes they leave without knowing what they took away. So I fear the moment when comfort turns strange, When the person I trusted becomes someone changed. I fear the unanswered call, the colder reply, The sudden realization that we're saying goodbye. I fear becoming that person once again, Who gathers the pieces nobody else will mend. Who sits on the floor in the middle of the night, Trying to remember when everything stopped feeling right. I fear giving someone the map to my heart, Only to watch them use it to tear me apart. I fear building a home out of somebody's eyes, Only to find there were cracks hidden beneath all the light. So forgive me if I hesitate at the door, If I ask myself what I'm risking this time once more. It isn't that I don't want to love deeply and true, It's that I remember what deep love can do. I remember becoming a stranger to me, Trying to hold someone who was already leaving. And I promised myself, while standing among the remains, That I would never again confuse love with chains. Still, some quiet part of me hopes there is more, Someone who won't turn my heart into another war. Maybe one day I'll meet someone patient enough To understand that my softness is covered in rough. Someone who won't rush the locked doors I keep, Or punish the places where old wounds still sleep. Someone who knows that trust is earned in small things, In ordinary mornings and the peace that staying brings. Not grand declarations beneath a burning sky, But "I'm still here" when the difficult hours arrive. Not promises made when everything feels bright, But consistency carried through an ordinary night. Someone who doesn't ask me to forget who I've been, Who sees the scars and doesn't call them a sin. Maybe I'll learn that love doesn't have to consume, That two people can grow without destroying the room. Maybe I'll learn that closeness can still leave me free, That loving another doesn't mean losing me. And if I ever stand in the ruins again, I hope I remember I can rebuild without them. I hope I never beg someone to stay at my side While quietly watching my own self-respect die. I hope I choose a love that chooses me too, Not one I have to chase just to make it come true. Until then, I'll carry this ache without shame, Because wanting connection doesn't make me weak or insane. It only means somewhere beneath everything I survived, There is still a small part of me that wants to feel alive. And perhaps the greatest risk isn't loving once more, But locking every window and calling it a door. So if someone comes gently, I'll try not to run, I'll let tomorrow be tomorrow, not yesterday's son. I won't promise forever, because forever is unknown, I'll only ask for honesty, and a place to grow. And if love comes softly, without asking me to bleed, Maybe I'll finally believe that staying can be a choice, not a need.