Elena

I used to look through the eyes

of a little girl that stepped on a plane

It was the first time she flew but her last.

I’ve flown many times since but it’s not the same

Her memories are mine but where is she in my mind?

I used to write so much

It was all to get her back

because when I left my home to come here

I left my heart there in her care

I’ve lost track.

When I stepped off that plane I changed but I didn’t know

I lost my home, I missed it so much.

She lived in bliss

I saw it all.

My home was green, but she didn’t know

I dreamt of trees, but she didn’t see

I hated the dusty dry, but she skipped over mountain springs

I tried shouting to her

DON’T YOU HAVE A HEART?

And so I tore mine out for her to have

but you can’t travel back.

So I poured all my nights of crying

of clutching my chest trying to rewind my mind

I spent every dime of my soul

and let it all out.

It was never enough.

I doubled back on myself straining to find her

tracking my memories for a glimpse of a past

I sank from the present

I couldn’t balance

So I gave up.

I missed when I became a coward.

I stopped looking for her and

My pages turned blank.

I can’t cut clean away from the past

I have to grow from it

So here I am writing for the first time in years

because I’m ready to call back to her again

and I hope she hears