About My Unhealthy Habits...
Hunger is no longer a feeling
That sits in the pit of my stomach.
The first time I skipped a meal
It was summer, so we were out of school.
My sister and I were too afraid
To face the man downstairs.
We skipped lunch and told him we ate
So he beat us for lying.
Eventually, years later,
The feeling of hunger
Became cozy and warm
Like going home.
I stopped eating
For all but once every few weeks.
For two long years
My body because muscle and bone,
To the point where I could
Lay my fingers between my ribs
And a gaunt sunken-ness
Appeared around my eyes.
I craved not food,
But the loving attention
Of someone who could
Convince me that sustaining my life
Would actually be worth my time.
I longed for the touch
Of someone who would
See my broken body
And help me make it whole.
But I woke up one morning
And realized no one cared.
My mother didn’t care,
My daddy didn’t know.
I broke down and gave up
And looked in the mirror.
All I could find was ugly.
My protruding hipbones,
My serrated spinal cord.
My body disgusted me,
And I felt naked, exposed, and afraid.
Today, I don’t care too much for food.
Hunger is no longer painful.
It is a comfortable warmth
That fills me with sleep.
But I promise I won’t be
Anorexic again.
I promise?