Amnesia
Some days I wish
I could forget my name.
For a few seconds
A few minutes
A few days,
I wish I could
Shed myself of these petty constraints
That I call my personality.
Then maybe
I could get some sleep.
Some days I wish I could be
Just another brown eyed girl on the street,
Not plagued with this beautiful insanity
That occupies my every second
My every inch
Until there is no space in my lungs
And I can only breathe in
The colors that invade my mind
The words that slide between my ribs like
Knives ,
And my own hand is the traitor.
Some days
I want to forget my name
And my face
And everything that ties me
To this life.
Some days
I want to be anyone but me
Because being myself
Can be so
Maddening.
Some days I wonder
Who decided I could be Atlas,
The worn pillar holding the sky in place
On weary shoulders.
I wish I could collapse
And let the clouds come tumbling down
But that’s not who I am,
And I can’t seem
To forget that.
I am an artist,
Held by some unnamed sense of duty
To share myself with a world that has beaten me down,
brought me to my knees time and again.
I have shattered my soul
To scatter its pieces along my path
Like broken footsteps to lead others
To some promised land
I’m still not sure exists,
And I am a girl
That paints pretty pictures,
And writes sad verse after sad verse,
Like questioning hymns,
Never ending.
I am the yellow daughter
Of a brown man and a white woman
I am the proud bearer of a rainbow banner,
Queer in a world with no color,
I am the catalyst of great things
That haven’t happened,
I am more a name
I am a soul,
Discontent,
Unanswered.
But some days
I wish
I could forget my name.
For a few seconds
A few minutes.
Some days
I just want to be
Nothing,
Content,
Answered.
Then maybe,
Just maybe
I could get some sleep.