clockwork on the wall
four years later
and I still fill September with fever dreams of you
I'm not sick the way I used to be, but I still find a way to infection
my addled brain knocks quietly on my skull
while I fall into bed - the same bed - over and over again
roll onto my left side and I see the unspeakable ghosts of 2013
on my back I find 2014, slogging away in its bittersweet trenches
the right side holds 2015's numb monotony, doubled over at the waist
and on my stomach? 2017 gives me a scroll of questions so long I can't even see the end
pathetically, I know the answer to most of them will be you.
where? why? how? when? what? who?
you. you. you. you. you. you.
the illness driving a hole into my left knee is silent, toiling away
working to protect and kill myself in the same breath
and the red crown of roses falls from my head, to the bed, to the floor
odds are I'll ruin it when I finally wake up to discover it dead in the carpet
puddingstone sits, dusty, on my brother's headboard shelf
while I remember how to waste away