Diem Carpe

My year in a poem, a few

sentences, a few stanzas,

seemed, seems impossible

but nothing is impossible.

So here I go, here it is.

 

It all started with who I could be,

who I would be, should be, wanted to be,

with bright chemical explosions in the sky,

with smoke in the air, in my hair.

Who I could, should, would be,

wondering how it must feel like

to be so sure of yourself, of

everything and everyone around you,

wondering, hoping someday I'll know.

 

It all started with a project:

spending practically the entire summer

volunteering for more credits in

the school library with my best friend. Seems

boring to other people but, to me,

was the best summer I've ever had.

Having to actually get out of the house

for once and do something called

"socialize"

Something I never thought I'd do,

Something I never wanted to do to

begin with.

 

Yet something miraculous

happened, nearly four years of waking up

at the same time, hating that campus, that

ground, I grew close with the staff there,

realized that they actually did care, about us,

our futures, the rest of our lives. And so

I came out of my shell, out from under 

my rock like Patrick Star, almost knowing,

almost becoming who I could, should, would be,

stuck with the feeling, the unbelievable,

never-in-a-million-years, unimaginable feeling

that I did not want to leave,

regretfully realizing that I was missing out

on so much.

 

Suddenly Autumn comes, I find myself

stuck in between with choices to make,

applications to fill, deadlines to meet,

realizing that I need to know soon.

Realizing that I'll need answers soon to the

endless stream of questions:

Where am I going? What am I doing?

What am I going to do?

They tell me to do what I love and

they tell me to love what I do. But also

something realistic, something worthwhile.

Nothing is impossible but it is impossible

to make anything out of an Art Degree,

"What are you gonna do with an Art Degree?"

It is impossible to follow your dreams.

It is impossible to do what you love and

love what you do.

 

 

I was stuck in the middle,

even until the beginning of December,,

still am, terrified I always will be,

wondering for so long what the world

would look like if we all weren't so

dependent on material things.

 

But it ends like this: some people say that

hope and faith and destiny are all

bullshit. But I envy people who do

believe in something. People who are so

sure of something, of themselves, of

other people, of what happens, what has

happened, what's going to happen.

 

I thought about who I could, should, would be

as I watched the lights in the sky, the flickers,

heard the booms, saw and smelled the smoke in

the air, in my hair, looked at other people

around me, my family, friends (old and new,

close and just acquainted),

or even complete strangers, realized that

there are people are out there who

don't have a clue either, who are just like me,

wishing I could, should, would be

someone better.

 

I've heard a quote once from the very end

of a movie called Boyhood, it goes:

"You know how they say 'Seize the moment'?

Well, I think it's the other way around.

Like the moment is seizing us."

 

It is.

The rest of my life starts now,

it always has.

 

And I think because I looked up

at everyone around me, realizing that 

we are all confused, under the

same sky, on the same planet Earth,

trying our best because that's all we

can do, that's all any of us have,

trying to look for reasons, the reason

to wake up in the morning,

because of this,

I'm not as afraid anymore.

I don't feel so alone.

 

Where I am now, Wherever I'm going,

Wherever I've been, Whoever I will be,

Whoever I've been, Whoever I am, that

I can't tell you because

I'm still trying to figure it out

myself.

This poem is about: 
Me
My family
My community
My country
Our world

Comments

Jan Wienen

Possibly the greatest treasure is the presence of all the people around us ...

Jethro Mark Da'ar

Yea true words

Jethro Mark Da'ar

Yea true words

Jethro Mark Da'ar

Am in love with this work, wish to talk with the author for some isues, if possible 

etherealrose

I'm glad you like my work! My personal email is pira.rosalie.joy@gmail . com (without the spaces) if you wish to contact me about anything. Thank you again!