I've never been brave. All my life, I've been the girl terrified of spiders.

I've been the one who isn't able to sleep without a light on, the one who's scared to walk alone in the dark.

 

The anxiety builds up, making my head spin, my stomach toss and turn, my chest clamp up till I can't breathe.

 

I watch as others effortlessly go about their lives, not having their thoughts clump together,

Creating these pictures in their head that pass by, making them feel as if they're crazy.

 

I've always been scared of what may happen next, like my life is some horror movie, and I'm the character who's going to die.

 

I've never liked horror movies, for the people I've watched them with with have laughed at the tears and screams I've made, finding enjoyment as my fear can't seem to figure out what's next,

For my life is written in a language I don't understand.

 

There has only been one person in my

life who's been able to calm that crushing fear inside of me,

Making me laugh through the scary times, killing off those terrifying spiders, holding my hand in the dark as we walk through the grass.

The one who's tried to decipher the language my life is in.

 

 

 

He's the one who's made me feel safe.

 

 

 

But as I'm falling asleep with my head on his shoulder, those spiders of fear come back, crawling all around in my head once more.

They stomp around, releasing my thoughts from the cages that I thought he locked,

Making more and more fears form.

 

One of these days he's going to realize the scars on your heart can't be healed and he'll leave.

The feelings of comfort and love will leave you, for nobody can love someone who doesn't deserve any.

 

My head continues to race as I try to defend my heart,

But the thoughts laugh as they continue to swarm my head.

It feels as if I'm unable to wake up, and it's spread into a living nightmare.

 

"What if he leaves me?" 

I say to myself as I'm frantically packing everything into a box, trying to save the rest of my sanity. 

"He's the only one who can stop the thoughts."

 

I trip and the box bursts open, leaving my blood, tears, and heart for everyone to stomp on.

They all walk over me, ignoring the poor girl on the floor who's trying her hardest to pick up her pieces, 

But the spiders are consuming me in their web of lies. 

 

That's when I see him from the far side of the room, walking further and further away.

I cry, scream, and shout, trying to reach him, but it's too late.

The spiders have enclosed me into darkness, leaving me alone with a knife, a match, and my thoughts.

 

"He's gone now," I say. "Of course he doesn't want to deal with the girl who's scared of everything." 

I sit and cry, with nothing more than the anxiety in my head, for I am nothing but a girl with a knife, a match, and herself.

 

He will always leave in the end. Fears come true.

 

You fearful, little girl.

You should spark that match.

Use that knife.

 

You're alone.