The stench of cigarettes

is the smell I think of when i wear this

the horrible smelling piece of clothing

that brings me the comfort

that you could never give me

the despising aroma of tobacco

forever engraved in the everlasting spinning bottle top called my mind

the painful memories of you brings floods of unwanted emotions like a dam holding tons of gallons of water finally breaking down in one giant splash

the memory of you kicking me out because i wanted to clean the bathroom with the door close

the memory of you calling your own daughter a bitch because i finally stuck up for myself

and the memory of you trying to fight me as if i was another female on the street because i didn't to give you my facebook password.

the bitter sensation of cigarettes burning slowly warming me is the feeling i feel when i wear this.

the piece of clothing given to me by a stranger who saw me walking up el cajon blvd. with nothing but sweats and a tank top on the night you kicked me out.

the clothing that finally gave me some security when the police took me home and yelled at me because you said i ran away.

but yet they didn't know they were taking me back home to the source and cause of my pain.

the addicting feeling of inhaling the wonderful taste of methanol mixed with tobacco and other things.

no one noticed the smell of the bitter sensation, horrible smelling, despising aroma from the stranger's sweater given to me in my time need.

no one noticed the tear streaks left on my face from the night before that was filled with chest aching heart wrenching tears.

no one noticed the scratches and scars on my face, arms, hands, and shoulders from our fight.

no one noticed that the smile i normally wear was not a symbol that pushed random strangers on in their day

no one noticed that this loud, talkative, funny girl was finally silent from the despair and depression she felt in her chest because she knew when she can home things would not change.

no one thought to look at me

no one thought to check

no one listened when i vented

so i put all my emotions of hatred and agony to rest because no one cares if i smile or if i cry

they just care if i beat the girl/ women who caused me this pain because all they want to see is a good fight.

but i noticed, i thought, i listened and now i see

would anyone of you give up your life, your time, and your emotions to help a lonely girl/boy in need?

i want you to all just stop and think.

because to that lonely girl/boy you could be the stranger who finally stopped, looked, and listened.

you could be the stranger that gave him/her a grey cigarette smelling sweater that finally gave them feeling of being complete.