my brain just hearts

because its bearing all the pain

my heart cant stand any longer

it takes care of the heart

by feeding it lies while

blocking out reality

“its ok.”

it says

“if you say so”

the heart replies

till I become numb.

i am young

still so young

yet not as naïve as before

my eyes have felt the pain

of battles

behind them day and night

his fingers had life in them

tracing my veins

My face

My lips

My skin

he whispered

“beautiful”

and me, never hearing that word before

fell in love with him

while i fell in love with my body

i dont blame him for leaving me

but i do resent him for

coming back

and giving me things he intended

to take away again.

he wasnt himself

No.

No.

No.

not anymore he was someone else.

someone cruel living under the skin that i loved so

his words were fire

i felt the disgust in his tone

the lies slipping like snakes off of his tongue.

“youre a liar.”

“youre crazy”

he replied.

day after wretched day i

lost myself

loving for two.

 i wanted to tell him to not leave.

He broke my heart

and i cried lakes

Rivers

Ponds

Oceans

Night

And

Day.

i almost gave up on myself

cursing this body for not being

his perfect.

i began to type

in my notes

only for myself

screaming

crying

bleeding them out

my fingers raw from the hours spent clicking away

crying to the only person i knew would listen.

Me.

i found myself in poetry.

sometimes the pain

is found in a book

a place we used to go

a dream

or from someone elses lips

so i cut those out from my life

the way he cut himself from my

pain gave me a story.

poetry is my voice.

when i speak everyone listens.

i am heard.

i am free.

i am safe.

he made me feel like nothing

and i turned it into something.

woman need more ‘men’

with softness in their tone

feeling in their hearts

honesty in their words

Less

feeling in their hands

love through their touch

And

judgment in their eyes.

~ headaches,

Kendell La’soul Jones