I Am Broken
Location
I am broken
But not in the way you think
My cane is just an accessory to me
It’s my mind that is the true issue
The truth is I’m scared
Being like this is hell
But what happens when I gain everything back
Just to lose it all over again
The first time, I put on a brave face
Never letting my loved ones know
I was seconds away from giving it all up
So I would never experience
My grinding, popping, aching, blistering pain
Again
My brain started to cook in my skull,
Serving my thoughts the most poisonous stew
I would gag down every piece of fear-stained flesh
Until I was forced to throw them up in tears
When silence allowed my mind to boil
And the real problem to surface
Because my biggest obstacle was not a disease
That my own father cannot pronounce
A word that at best causes quizzical looks
And at worst caused so-called friends to run in terror
It’s been years and I haven’t conquered a single fear:
That every step could result in breaking me further
That my support system’s elastic patience will finally wear out
That no person will find my broken body attractive enough to deal with my crippled mind
I am broken in ways that narcotics and exercise cannot fix
I am broken in a way that makes me hate every second of introspection
I am broken because I will not let you see inside of me
Worst of all, I am broken because everyone is more scared than I am to deal with my poison