I understand
I understand that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
And food is a good thing.
It can be an instrument that brings people together .
One that creates a bond.
One that centers a sacrament.
Or initiated a conversation.
I understand that bulimia wasn't the answer.
That insecurity is not either.
That confidence is key.
But I need to make a change.
I don't like living in this world of too tight pants and always feeling tired.
I don't like having deeply flawed and irritable skin.
Lacking energy and confidence most of the time.
I do not like relying on any vices to make my day seem better.
Or not being able to say no.
I do not like being unproductive.
Feeling like my day has been wasted.
Knowing for certain that I could have made better use of my time.
I do not like doing things that distract me from my reality.
But rather, doing things that immerse me into the present moment.
I want to feel alive again.
An uncontainable energy in my muscles.
A strength in my bones.
Youth in my blood.
Creativity flooding the abyss that is my mind.
I want to feel adrenaline again.
Wind in my hair, power in my lungs.
I want to be mentally and emotionally and physically strong.
I understand that I'm not weak in most instances, I just do not want to feel that way anymore.
I want to not feel like I'm just surviving.
But rather, like I am living.
Life, to the fullest.