~ It Hurts ~

Just like a beautifully majestic rose was your love. You beauty and velvet tenderness was what had drawn me into your embrace but underneath the blinding light hid skin piercing thorns. Although I know that eveytime I get closer to you I could be getting one step closer to yet again seeing the monster that hid behind your eyes but for some reason against my better judgement I just can't seem to leave you alone. 

Your words are soft and meaningful and overshaddowed the painful memories. That is why although I love you dearly I just can't continue to stay near a ticking time bomb. You were the fire and I was the ice. You were always upbeat and happy but that was just your way of disguising the evil monster that hid underneath the surface whilst I was always the quiet, low-key, one who rarely ever spoke. Somedays were fun others were hectic and explosive. 

It hurts to walk away from the one who held you from birth, been there for you since day one, and loved you regardless but if I stayed than I know that I would only be adding fuel to the fire. When I was little you used to beat me down everytime I wouldn't stand up to my bullies but how do I stand up to the biggest bully of all which was you? How do I open up and confide in you if you insist upon closing yourself around me? Trust is a two-way street and if your a dead-end than I just can't pass. Every hit to the body was another pound to the heart. I thought that I had at first knew who you were but now I'm just not so sure. Even when my father had hurt you to the point of tears despite how hurt and confused I was about my feelings towards you I insisted upon staying. 

Now that I'm older my heart feels just like paper torn between loving and forgiving you and being angry and confused. I know that bringing up past events and confessing the truth would be pushing you mentally and emotionally and you wouldn't be able to understand what I did or do with a reasonable mind but just understand that as long as everyone is okay than so am I. The fact of how you don't remember when you used to hit me when I was most vulnerable and how even if I told you odds would be that you would deny it all is what I can't shake out of my mind. That's why I have to leave in order to keep what little sanity I have left.

It hurts to walk away from the one who you love the most but sometimes leaving is the best and only choice we have left.

<3<3<3