It's 2 am And I'm dead inside And I'm lost And I want to hide In a place where there is no pain Because I've never felt this gut-wrench I don't deserve my name. I wish that I could disappear As I'm curled up in a womb of blankets trying my hardest not to be cold or be warm Or vomit All the while sobbing and silently pleading "Why?" To the universe "Why?" And I'm dead inside And the one thing I still feel is the only thing that I know to be real Which is love Equals pain Equals lonely I'm tame. It's 2 am And my heart is bleeding Along with my liver and kidney and stomach and spleen and spine. It's 2 am and all I can think of Is how I want to die. It's 3 am and I wish you goodnight And you fall asleep And he keeps you warm And you've got a thing for him And he's more than on board And things clicked With you and him Just like they never have for me and shut the door It's 3 am And I'm drowning in a mix of internal blood and sores and tears and broken Inconsistent thoughts And you hope that I sleep well And I laugh inside cos I'm in hell And it's hard to sleep when you give someone your soul to keep And they toss it in a well That the new model backflips over like an acrobat It's 3 am and I'm turning off my phone. It's 4 am and I can't sleep. I'm wide awake and The monsters under my bed are eating me So are the bogeymen in my closet and the ghosts in my walls The ones who make the bumps in the nighty night And it's dark But I can't decide if it's just the lack of daylight Or if in my pain I'm going blind. It's 5 am. I've dozed off to a 30 minute dreamless state And its 5:30 am And I'm wide awake. And the time is meaningless in the dull And I'm thinking about the questions I asked you And the honest answers you gave And I'd planned to tell you But lost the will to do Was that my greatest fear In truth Was losing you. Was being left behind . And how I love you And the first unflitered thing that came to my mind When I thought of you was Love. But now in the pitch black as my gut is raping me All I can think of when I think of your name Is Loss. It's 6 am. I'm finally asleep. It's 6:30 am. I'm wide awake. The only thing that's on my mind is trying not to puke. It's 7 am. The sun is coming up. And I'm still just as dead As I've never been before.