lets hope no one finds this

i cry and i get nostalgic

scrolling through old facebook photos

each click opens an old wound

every comment

a shatter of the heart

because i miss the girl i used to be.

Long hair and a smile

and even though I was depressed

I was innocent.

The world had not yet left it’s marks underneath my eyes.

and i miss my friends.

i miss the people we used to be.

irreproachable and young

taking stupid photos that makes our future selves cringe.

wearing rubber bracelets and dying our hair at home

we glued beads and the spirals from notebooks to our lips

trying to fake the piercings our parents would never let us get.

i cry and get nostalgic

for the people

we used to be.

it’s like looking upon a house full of ghosts.

i wonder

if i’d finally have enough courage to become one of them

if today is finally the day

to walk outside

and let the rain

fill up my lungs

and the thunder

carry me away;

My brother once told me

not to shower during a thunderstorm

because the electricity could travel through the shower head

and kill me.

So I take a bath.

I let the faucet drip, drip, d r i p.

and hope that this old wives tale is not just fantasy.

i repent

ever letting my friends

turn into their demons

and their parents demons

and become nothing more but the statistic of teenagers that become addicted to prescription pills and cigarettes

i repent

ever letting myself become any part of the statistic

of women who are sexually assaulted in america each year

and they tell me not to blame myself

but how can i not

when i led myself astray

from

irreproachable and young

from

dreams and laughter

from

good values and morals

how

could i ever forgive myself?

so i repent,

i cry

and i get nostalgic

i mourn

i grieve

but I never go back.

This poem is about: 
Me
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 

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beebelle

Isabelle Irwin is a fifteen-year-old poet from North Carolina. Hiding behind metaphors and just trying to spread a message of self-love, she chooses to write poetry. Although unpublished, she will continue to fight to make her voice heard.