Dear Benjamin James Fussel,

Hey...

How are you?

I hope that you're well, wherever you are.

Hey...

I know...

It's been a few years,

though you've probably haven't aged.

Hey you know you're finally free from this cage.

Everytime i see birds i think of you.

Everytime i see a butterfly i think of you.

I think of how free they are, something you've always craved,

something you've pushed on me.

I'm writng this letter to you today.

Mostly because i missed you, okay.

And i had something i wanted to say.

The day I snapped at you and told you

You had a zit the size of Germany on your nose,

i was jealous of all those

correct answers written across your math test,

while mine was marked with red.

The day I snapped at you about having to study,

I was annoyed that i was struggling so much and thought you had it easy.

Boy i was sleezy.

And the day you stopped sitting with Julie, Alec and I

secreatly i was glad,

because i thought you weren't taking school seriously.

At least not like i was.

The day I apologized to you for all this

you smiled.

You told me

it was alright,

It didn't faze you.

But I know you were lying then.

The last day I saw you

and you stole Abby's dog and brought it in you bag.

I smiled,

because you smiled.

And as I waved goodbye it was all a lie.

The day you died

you had texted me.

And i ignored it, because

i thought i didn't need you anymore.

This letter to you is my confession and apology

I am the sinner.

And you deserved a much better friend then I was.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I remember you everyday.

I live my life like you did.

I can never make up for what I did.

And an apology, nor a confession,

can right the wrong.

 

- Sincerely,

S.N.E.L