I hate the way you smile.
I hate the way you laugh.
I hate the way I can’t call you mine.
I hate the way you look in my eyes.
I hate the way I see you as someone i can't have.
I hate the way when I’m broken you cheer me up.
I hate the way you flirt with a lot of girls.
I hate the way I miss you.
I hate the way you're always right there in front of me.
I hate it when you are upset.
I hate it when I wanna give you a hug.
I hate it when you hug other people.
I hate the way you look at me.
I hate the way I think of you 24/7.
I hate the way you are not mine.
I hate the way you make me smile.
I hate the way you make me cry.
I hate the way you say my name.
I hate the way you are.
I hate it when you don’t message me.
I hate the way you make me feel.
I hate it when you walk next to me.
I hate the way you say things.
I hate the way you tease me.
I hate it when you are serious.
I hate the way you don’t like me.
I hate the way you don’t care.
I hate the way you don’t know what’s going through my head.
I hate the way you make me think.
I hate it when I hang out with you.
I hate it when you flirt with girls especially when I’m right there.
I hate it when you're sad.
I hate the sound of your voice.
I hate that I can’t get your voice out of my head.
I hate how you are gentle.
But most of all,
I hate the way i don’t hate you, 
not even a little, 
not even at all!
I hate that i’m upset
I know i shouldn’t care, but you know how hard that is to compare,
I shouldn’t care, but i do,
I don’t care and i still choose you.
Where would i be without you,
Would there be love without you
Would i even exist without you?!!!
I can’t control, 
I try, i really do.
I think i’m in love with you,
But how can that be true?

They say love exists, 
But in this world it’s a fairy tale. 
I don’t know what to do,
They say don’t listen,
But i will always choose you. 
They say don’t trust it,
I can not say, 
I can’t control it, No matter how hard i try.

I’m done. 
Whatever i do, 
It’s never enough for you,
It never will be.
I give up on trying to impress you.
I give up on trying to be with you, 
Because everything i do never changes what we are. 
What are we?
Tell me, what are we because i don’t know anymore.
I give up. 
I’m not giving up on our friendship, but i’m giving up on trying to be more than i am. 
More than you want me to be. 
I hate that i’ve started it though.
I started all of it, and now i have to end it. 
It’s over. 
I can’t have you, so i am not trying anymore. 
I won’t impress you so i’ll stop faking. 
I know all we’ll ever be is friends,
I don’t even know if were that anymore…

It is true when people say Love is a fairy tale. 
It is true when people say never trust anyone with your heart,
Because he just took mine, and ripped it apart.
I can’t control this feeling. 
I feel so bad, because i keep wondering about what we could’ve been. 
Like, What if, i would’ve asked him,
What if i would have been the one to get up the courage to finally ask him because i know he would’ve said Yes. 
But she asked him, so she has him,
I’m fine, I promise, i swear. 
I won’t do anything stupid, as long as there is miracles around here. 
You know, Everyone believes there is a God out there somewhere,
But i’m still asking the question, 
Where was God in my despair? 
Where was Jesus when i was all alone screaming,
Why couldn’t he help me to stop the bleeding? 
Where was God when my eleven year old brother was killed in that crash?
Where was God when we lost everything that we had?
There is no God and definitely no Saviour. 
Where was God when i was lost and breaking?
Where was this God that they say is always supposed to be here,
Because i don’t see him, and i don’t feel him here. 
The God that everyone says is powerful,
Where was he when i was breaking down? 
Where was he when the Razor Blade was out, 
And why didn’t he stop me from Cutting myself. 
There is no God, and there never will be,
The Christians are lying to themselves,
Because they know he isn’t there,
But for some reason they have this stupid part of them that believes that he is there, because they have nothing else to turn to.
Where was God when the world was crumbling and everything was falling apart? 
Where was God when everything in life divided into two and everyone turned to the devil for happiness?
When all of those kids took their lives and left their families because they had nothing else to turn to.
They never believed in the fairy tale of some God. 
They never let themselves get sucked into another lie of life. 
They believed in nothing and they could trust no one. 
That is why they left. That is why everyone leaves,
Nobody believes in anything anymore because they don’t care!!!!

He broke my heart, i am broken. 
It is shattered, it can never be fixed. 
Are we friends, are we not? 
Does he care, does he not? 
Did he just do this to tear me apart? 
It’s over, there never was a beginning. 
I don’t care, but i lost him as a friend,
I don’t even know if he ever was a friend,
Maybe that’s because in the end he never really cared to show any emotion whatsoever,
And now i really am thinking that maybe i would be BETTER OFF DEAD!!!!!!!!

Where was Jesus when the world and everything in it fell apart? 
What happened to the human population that was actually sane? 
Why did we even have to live in this horrid country? 
A life thought through is a life that will end faster. Where was God when the world was crumbling and everything was falling apart? 
When terrorists were in America, where was he?
Everything fell to pieces in 9/11 and still the believe in something you can't even see? 
Why? What's the point? 

He is gone. 
He hates me, i know he does. 
But right now, i am betting that if his girlfriend breaks up with him, he will be back. He always is.
But this time i am not backing down, and i am NOT taking him back. 
He should've thought of that when he lost track of all the girls he had waiting outside. 
He should've said he was sorry for all the abuse, and the promises he broke. 
He should repay, for all the mistakes he has sown.