this soul is weary

and expired

i am sleepless,

i am tired.

i just wanna go home.

people keep saying this is supposed to be the best time of my life.

i just want it to be the end, of my life.

i have nothing left to give,

and still they take from me.

i have come to realize that i truely do not matter.

this carcass i am forced to call my own is tired.

my soul is tired.

my mind is tired.

i know i'm supposed to get all my strength from Heaven and i try.

but it's so hard and i'm so tired.

i just want to close my eyes.. and never open them again.

i want to yell " i'm done!" in exasparation and drop dead.

i want to fade into oblivion and never come back.

i want to feel a bullet pierce my heart, and the heat with which it tore through me.

i want to feel a chain around my neck, squeezing and tightening until i fall to my knees.

i want to feel the poison turn my viens to ice until it becomes unbearable.

i want to feel myself become weightless until i crash to the ground with all the force of a dying star.

but instead i sit here.

just as broken as before.

and nothing changes.

i put down the pen.

i lie in bed.

then i get up the next day.

and start over again.