I've been hurt

So i built a wall,

Around any and all emotional states

It's up as high as i can see

No breaks

No cracks

No windows

No light

Just silence,

Darkness

Myself

Hidden behind wall after wall

Door after door

New relationship, a month in

Panic, 

I'm going to mess up

It's going to happen again

I just started letting them in

I just started taking down the wall

Allowing light in

But i'm doing it again

I'm messing up

Pushing them away

I have to put it back up

As much as i tell myself i'm strong,

Dear lord am i fragile

I'm self destructing

Again and again

Over and over

A neverending cycle

But i'm happy

Finally happy

Please don't let me self destruct

Stop me

Don't let me push you away

Don't let me put the wall back

It's been so long since theres been any light

Since its been more than just myself

Its no longer silent

Please let it stay this way

Please don't let me self destruct

Make me stay

Let the happiness stay

Please

I don't want to self destruct