seventeen
being seventeen is a vacant endless hole of questions you’ll never be able to answer,
the realization that you are going to disappoint almost everyone who matters you, including yourself
and the start of a giant tear in your heart
it’s apathetic and merciless
ripping away anything that was once yours
including your friends family and grades
ignoring the sounds of your legion cries and shoves a pillow over it’s ears
it’s pessimistic and judgmental
that little voice in your head saying you don’t matter
getting louder and louder after each mistake you make
being paralyzed with fear during any thought of the future
a constant weight on your back though you try to carry others
it’s boundless and full of depth like the ocean
but you’re 100 miles away from shore and you can’t swim
it dropped you in the middle and told you to figure it out yourself
you scream out for help but no one really hears you
they’re only looking out for themselves and maybe it’s because they’re 17 too
it’s controlling and possessive
grabbing the wheel at any point in time and starts driving in the wrong lane
heading towards an ongoing car before getting out of the way at the second
it laughs in your face when you begin to sob
It’s a morning person,
energetic and ready to go at 5 am
you beg for another hour to sleep
but it pulls you out of the bed with a camera shoved in your face
you try and cover up the bags with makeup
but it doesn't matter because you know you’re tired
it’s cold and lonely,
the realization that you are alone but the inability to get comfortable in your own solitude.
being seventeen might not be the problem
it’s not your age that made you that way
it’s the school system
that has the first class of the day
starting at seven
and a test that determines your whole future
and the expectation
that you’ll know what you’re gonna do
with the rest of your life
at seventeen.