Once I had a friend

Once I changed locations

She had made the preparations

of my departure from there

to here

I didn’t think much of it

she was so worried of our end

I can’t help but think if it was just pretend

 

The beginning wasn’t worrisome

I was here and she was

there

but that’s okay because

there’s a delay in separation

from heedfulness in decline

to needlessness finally defined

after months of feeling confined

in the distance

how is it we were once so intertwined?

 

When I believed I could,

I asked if we could get together sometime

she said sure

if she has the time

The thing about time,

is that it doesn’t posess but passes in a blur

there’s claiming and shading

from what should and shouldn’t occur

but you’ve been silent why don’t you speak

it’s been week after week

it makes me so weak

trying and failing

it’s never ending

so please, if you must

claim the time

it’s all yours

please just tell me

have you closed all the doors?

 

This distance in location

this distance in time

provided a taxation

upon what we believed to be

where we stand with each other

what you think of me

I no longer know

I no longer see

what we are to each other to any degree

 

Don’t think I haven’t tried

to hold on

every day without you, a bit of me died

the amount of times I cried

over something so trivial

as being set aside

 

I asked if I could visit her sometime

she said sorry,

she doesn’t think she has the time

This night is so starry

I look from the window

and wonder if she just sees the ceiling

or maybe her eyelids or maybe the screen

of her phone, its pixels lit to be

the words of a person

I don’t know.

they’re not me.

 

I stand here, phone in hand

the expanse of divide

all too wide

it rings and rings

among other things,

I hold this phone and pace

as I hear her pre-recorded voice and picture her face

I go to the floor, its texture I trace

I called her on the phone a few times

her voicemail said sorry

I guess she didn’t have the time

I may be tardy but I’m coming around to see

that she just doesn’t have the time for me

I see it but I close my eyes

try to rationalize it as a disguise

She’s busy and distant

I disregard that distant is more than here and there

at this point distant is everywhere

at this point this distance is every instance of my being

this distance is what I have written when I sing

sing of this distance without dreaming

‘cause now this singing is my breathing and I breathe without believing because it seems that my feelings are bleeding I’m screaming and needing I’m seeking healing or meaning but all I find is you leaving and I’m back at the beginning

 

Now I don’t call her any time

I don’t ask her to say sorry

I don’t ask her at all

because she doesn’t have the time

My watch ticks

I don’t hear a tock

this isn’t a clock

but we’re back at the start

this isn’t what I thought

we’re back as in I’m back

this is where you forgot