I’m nineteen years old.

Old enough to buy a pack of cigarettes,

but young enough to die from their toxins if I start using them now,

or ever.

I’m nineteen years old.

Old enough to be locked up in a prison cell,

but young enough to get a second chance because I have years to spare,

or do I?

I’m nineteen years old.

Old enough to be deployed to Afghanistan,

but young enough to suffer an entire life with PTSD,

if I’m not killed.

I’m nineteen years old.

Old enough to drive the alcoholics home,

but young enough to be arrested if I dare enjoy a beer,

or two.

I’m nineteen years old.

Old enough to get married,

but young enough to set a bad example if I do,

because I don’t know what love is, right?

I’m nineteen years old.

Old enough to understand that cigarettes cause cancer

and cancer can kill me just as easily as an M 16 or IED,

and jail is a place not only for bad people but for good people who mess up too.

I’m old enough to realize that The United States has the worst problem with alcohol abuse

and the most restrictive drinking age,

and that is no coincidence because we hate alcohol and we hate drugs,

and we hate them because we can’t control them

but I’m old enough to understand that the reason we can’t control them

is because we hate them so damn much.

I’m old enough to understand that marriage does not equal love

and love is not something you can depend on

because even if you do love someone that does not mean shit unless you can show for it.

I’m old enough to be held responsible for not only myself but also for others

and for some of us that comes sooner than nineteen,

but for me I was lucky.

And I wasn’t forced to grow up, I chose to.

So here I am,

nineteen years old,

old enough to understand that age has nothing to do with intelligence,

but young enough to sound like a desperate cliche when I say that,

as if the more breaths I take will give me credibility

and maybe then when I tell you how fucked up society is

you will believe me

because for right now,

I’m only nineteen years old.

Too old to act young,

but too young to act old.