"Air"

I need you like I need air.

But sometimes

when I feel like I can’t breathe

I blame the air for poisoning me.

It makes no sense,

and I have no reason to believe that.

But my mind, in its need to survive, blames what it is lacking for the problem. 

It hurts me to have these thoughts, even without truth to them.

It hurts me more than the lack of air 

to imagine life without you.

So when I seem distant, know I am struggling for air, 

and wishing I could understand

how I got stranded in open water.

It’s a place I avoid

because of the lies waiting to take hold of my mind 

and make me blame the goodness trying to save me.

I know it is no one’s fault,

and we will not break for it,

but finding a lifejacket is hard

when the person you trust most to throw you one

is hundreds of miles away.

I will survive

We will survive.

Because when you can’t live without something

you know you would die before giving it up.

And when I finally pull myself out of the water

I know with utter certainty that it is not your fault

or mine

but a trick of the mind.

And I still need you like the air I breathe.