Black and Grey Worlds

I saw the world as black and grey, never as white. I never believed when I was younger, I heard the words people spoke behind my back./

All those years an outcast, paranoia grew as I did until I couldn’t discern a kind word from mockery./

I pretended that the words didn’t hurt, I defended what I thought was just but I was labeled a monster to be slain./

Counselors and teachers gave me classes and pills and sessions to curb my obsession with that black and grey world.//

 

Soon enough I had enough, called it quits on beeing things no one else wanted to see, only seeing what I wanted to be/

I honed my word like a blade, the edge of my tounge keeping the dangers at bay until I was alone, for Butterfly and Bee alike were outside my control./

Till I saw that blade wound, till I saw what my words could do to those that saw no hate in my eyes and how it made their eyes cry/

then I saw reds and blues, red of a heart torn in two by the words of the few, and the blotted blue of the pain from that loss/

I was lost but then life began again anew,//

 

I couldn't forgive myself then but I could make things better than the world I had made./

Color came back to me and made things grow, I worked towards beauty because I knew how it felt to act ugly, how it felt to be beastly,/

I would never create the hate that created me, who I was when the world was black and grey./

I write and I sing because I aim to be what I wanted from others, compassion as my passion because I have seen and been fear./

Corruption of my self worth crossed a line and made words hurt, when they should heal. Heal and grow because I, myself, know/

how much things need to be healed.//

 

self doubt and self blame are the only darknesses that remain but now I know they can be tamed.