Busy Being Free

I am the girl that grew up on insults.

Childhood dreams crushed by the words “fat” and “ugly” tossing me into this world I thought I was too good to fall into.

I found myself in a crowd of emotions, like being a child lost at your local fair just following legs blindly trying to find the love from mommy and daddy to pull her out.

I had anorexia stepping on my toes, anxiety pulling my hair, and depression pushing me down over and over again.

I am the girl that found herself pushed into a dark dark world simply by the names that people called her.

After all these insults about my weight I dabbled in a friendship too many girls are familiar with…and I met Ana.

I watched the weight fall off of me and seeing bones was like being awarded some sort of clarity.

Dropping from sizes 7 and 8 to 2 and 3 made me feel like I was finally going to be free,

But then a whole new set of insults caused a domino effect targeting deeper parts of my brain…

“Whore”…”slut”…and words far too low to repeat.

The names that people called me felt like I was being bound to depression

We were handcuffed together and he was taking me with him, no forgiveness.

I am the girl that will permanently be judged for the scars left on her wrist from the nights where all she looked for was a way out.

School went from being something I adored to being a battleground.

I fought a war not too many see and all I wanted was to be me.

I was being controlled by society

Found in a rut that was impossible to get out of.

First they attack your looks and then they make you feel like your something never to be proud of!

They attacked my personality, spread rumors that only follow me, and I had given up.

I am the girl who wanted to take her life…

The girl who became all too familiar with knives…

I am the girl who disappeared because she was hospitalized…

But now…I am the girl who made a change.

Picked myself up, dusted myself, and walked the other way.

I love the way I look, I love who I am, and I still fight this battle to today.

I will never forget where I’ve been or what I’ve seen,

But now I’m far too busy to care because I am too busy being free.