The Change of Time

I wake up in the morning feeling like a wreck
School is a rope slowly tightening around my neck
I have a picture perfect family, I treasure them, I want to make them proud
But my weak soul and heart have been plowed
I march to the beat of the extrovert
Be confident and assert
When walking into a school classroom
There is a feeling of powerful gloom
My face begins burning and people are left to assume
So the people just stare
And I just stand wishing I wasn't there
The redness fills me with such dread
At those times I'd rather be dead
Fear runs my soul
I've lost all the control
School is the playground of hell
Where the weakest of the weak say their farewell
Although no one starts off that weak
But once they see you're a special kind of unique
They'll begin to tear at your flaw
They're like rats as they begin to gnaw
Soon your personality begins to fall away
And you begin putting everyone at bay
So I beg through the night
And I lay there in my spite
Then comes the feeling of intense hate, I just want to start over, like a blank slate

People are born so cruel
And at school is where these people rule
I hear people say school is the best time of your life
If that's true and it gets worse, I'll slit my throat with a knife
But instead you wake up and put on a fake smile
And you get used to this certain life style
When your alarm clock starts beeping
And you feel your heart start weeping
Then you begin to selfishly pray
that maybe, just maybe, you won't have to go to school the next day
You come home from a miserable day and you stare in the mirror
You see the ugly truth and things get a little bit clearer
You stand in silence and beg yourself to rethink
Still you can't go back, so you take a step and let yourself sink

It has been 3 years since I wrote this poem

All about how my soul felt so very lonesome

So desparate for some seclusion

From people whose hobby was intrusion

That my fragile self started to crack

Because the outgoing to me were like a wolf pack

I wanted to find people like me

Whose hearts desired to be free

Those who didn’t want to conform

To what everyone considered the norm

So I could be who I am

More than a good score on an exam

To be told I wasn’t dysfunctional

That my personality didn’t have to be adjustable

It was okay to be withdrawn

That you don’t have to need people to lean on

We only get this one life on earth

Don’t let society dictate your worth

I learned to be comfortable in my skin

I accepted who I was within

I am an introvert named Gillian Fox

And very proud to say that I think outside the box